One in One Billion?

This is pathetic, I am aware of that. So you telling me that it is, well, is rude. Here I go...last night I was BORED out of my mind and unable to sleep. So, i went to eharmony.com and took this personality test...which I have taken THRICE in the past. So, after the HOUR long test, it informed me that, for the third time, there were no compatible matches for me at this time...Ok, they have a database of SIX million people and you mean to tell me I am so screwed up that I can't even be compatible with one other human on this site? Not that I would eer even do anything about it, but it would be nice to know that my odds are better than 1 in 6 million. That is a tad bit depressing. And what do I do when I am depressed? A little place called taco Bell...

Pee on this...

">this is stupid. a pregnancy test, online? Right. Go take it just for shits cause I did and there is a 9% chance I am pregnant and that make me laugh.

My Kids are Going to Rule

My sister works at this daycare and she comes home with all these insane stories of these kids and there crazy parents. So, it was today that I made the desicion that my kids are going to be far better than anyone else's children. How will I do this? Here is my plan...

1.The moment they start walking, they will be enrolled in a KICK ASS kung fu class. Here they will learn to kick everyone's ass. Not only kids their own age, but adults that insult them as well. This class will enstill the power king fu has over people in my kids and they will never be the brunt of any beat down.
2. I will also enroll them in some sort of top secret agency that trains kids to be assasians and/or a spy. Here they will learn to read minds. Now, if some one is talking crap about them, they can hear it and use their KUNG FU. No one will shit talk my kids.
3. My children willl wear nothing but the best in clothing. No Care Bear tee's for my offspring, not Ninja Turtle shoes eiether. The ONLY "character" allowed on their clothing will be Batman, and that is only cause he is their father. Other wise, it would be tacky.

Now, this is all assuming I actually HAVE children. At this point, the idea of marriage makes me want to VOMIT, but kids are pretty funny. Maybe I will just buy a few...Oh, if you know of a spy school that is taking on new students, let me know.